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Heard Around Here: Volume 4
October 7, 2015 humor•kids•motherhood

Heard Around Here: Volume 4

I like to collect the things I hear around our home and share them with you occasionally. They’re a little glimpse into my everyday life. Here’s my latest collection:


YES, WE ARE WINNING AT HOMESCHOOL:


Sarah (6) and I read about the birthplace of western civilization for history in homeschool. My parents came for lunch, and being a good homeschooling mom, I felt the need to prove that we’re actually learning something.
Me: Sarah, tell Papa about the two rivers we learned about today.
Sarah: I don’t remember.
Me: [not giving up] There was the Tigris and the . . . 
Sarah: The Eur-penis?
Me: [after recovering] It’s the Euphrates!
. . .

Recounting her field trip to the creamery:
Me: “So, tell me how they milk all those cows.”
Sarah: “Well, they attach these pumps to their thingies . . . what are they called?”
Me: “Udders”
Sarah: “Yeah. They attach the pumps to the gutters . . . “

. . .

Anna leaks random bits of information that proves she is actually listening.
Anna [four]: “One day, this guy broke off his ear.” [talking about Van Gogh]

. . .

Anna: “How do you say hello in English?”
Me: “Hello . . . ?”
Anna: “No, in English.”
Me: “That is English.”
Anna: “So I speak English?”
Me: “Yup.”

 

 

SOCIALIZATION:

Anna (4): [to Mom and Dad smooching] “Stop! You’re married already.”
Me: “You’re supposed to kiss when you get married.”
. . . 

 

Lily the lamb was banished to the top shelf of the built-ins because she became a source of sibling discord.
Sarah: “Mom, can I have Lily the little lamb? I LOVE her!”
Me: “You can’t have her if you love her more than your sister.”
Sarah: “I love her as much as my sister.”
Me: “No, you have to love your sister more.”
Sarah: “Okay . . . I love my sister more. Now can I have her?”
 
. . .

Anna: [coming downstairs after a meltdown] “When I come down from my room I say sorry to mom.”
Me: “I forgive you Anna.”

. . . 

 


SHAKE MY HEAD:

Anna comes downstairs on a rainy Sunday afternoon after taking a long nap in her footie pajamas.
Anna: “Why don’t you make me take a nap every day mom?”
Me: “What do you think I’ve been doing the last four years of your life!”
 
. . . 
 
Anna: “Can I stay up and play a game?”
Me: “Did you take a nap today?”
Anna: “No.”
Dad: “Then it’s only fair that you go to bed now.”
Anna: “No, that’s not fair. . . Well, yes it’s fair.”
 
. . .

Me: “Anna where are your pants?”

Anna: “Oh. I forgot dem.”
 
. . . 
 
Anna: [shirtless and holding her orange toothbrush] “Hey, I didn’t know I could scrub my back with this.”

. . .

Dad: [To a child in the middle of a conversation of why we should listen to our parents.]

“Who gave birth to you? Your Mommy and I did! I mean mommy . . . but I watched!”

 
. . . 
 
Anna: “Mom, mom! I accidentally drew on Sarah’s wall.”
Me: “How did that happen?!”
Sarah: “I gave her a marker and I thought she would use it for a microphone.”

. . . 

 


BACKSEAT DISCIPLESHIP:

Anna: “Why do you talk about ‘helpful‘?”
Me: “Cause I need lots of help!”
Anna: “I don’t need any help.”
Me: “Why?”
Anna: “Cause I have God.”
Me: “That’s right. God gives us the Holy Spirit and calls Him the Helper. But don’t you think God wants us to help each other too?”
Anna: “Yeah”

 . . .

Anna: [whining] “Mommy, I can’t ride my scooter because the bar is too highhhh!”
Me: “What could you do about that?” [trying to prompt her to ask instead of whine]
Anna: “Ask God??”
 
. . .

Anna: [sung to the tune of “Ever Be“] “Your praise will never be on my lips, never be on my lips . . .”

 
. . .

INDOORSY:
 
Me: “When are you going to start using the mud kitchen again?
Sarah: “When we’re a little older and we like bugs.”
So probably never . . . 
 
. . . 
 
Anna: [running into the house from outside] “Mom, come see something really cool!”
Me: “What is it?”
Anna: “It’s a dead bird!”
 
. . . 
 
Sarah chases Anna and sprinkles water on her head.
Anna: “Stop! This is my favorite head!!”


. . . 

 
PLAY ON WORDS
 
Me: “What rhymes with ham?”
Anna: “Hippo!!”
 
. . . 
 
Anna: “Hey, CHICKEN and CHICK-fil-A rhymes!!!”
 
. . . 
 
Anna: [singing] “My name is Spreadaletta. Spreadaletta Guess.”

. . .

Anna on the use of “my dear” (after Mommy used it):
“I like ‘my dear’ because it’s good for when you’re going on a trip or a date or you’re going to a coronation.”
 
. . .

Anna: “Does my tongue look like a sled?”
 
. . . 
 
Me: “Would you like a whole bagel?”
Anna: “No, I would like two halves.”
. . .

Is this not a thing? (Maybe I’m the only one that thinks this is funny).



POTTY RULES

Anna: “I accidentally dropped a lego person in the toilet and flushed it.”
Me; “Are you supposed to have legos on the potty?!?”
Anna: “Don’t tell Dad.”
Me: “Next time, don’t flush it. You have to fish it out if you drop it in.”
Anna: “Well, I was flushing, and then  I dropped it.”

. . . 


Me: “We do NOT nap on the potty”

(unnamed): “I just want to rest my back!”

What’s been heard around YOUR house lately? I’d love to hear it.

For more “heard around here” posts, you can also check out:

CONVERSATIONS WITH MY FOUR YEAR OLD: VOLUME 3

CONVERSATIONS WITH MY THREE YEAR OLD: VOLUME 2

BABY SILAS & CONVERSATIONS WITH MY THREE YEAR OLD

If you like this, you can get these posts in your inbox by signing up HERE! You’ll also receive occasional news from my Etsy shop.

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