An author I follow on Instagram recently shared this experience: “When I tried to share about how I felt as a black female in a situation, they didn’t want to hear it. It is terrible not to want to listen to a sister’s heart, even when it could be hard. If we can’t take the first and simple step of talking, there’s little hope of racial harmony in the church. If we can’t listen, we can’t love. But there’s hope and I’m always holding onto the hope of Jesus. No one can take that away.”

(You can follow Trillia on Instagram @trillianewbell or on her blog here. She’s also just written a super cute children’s book about God’s design in diversity).

I was struck by her words and thankful for her willingness to share. I hope that in this situation, I would have listened.

It’s so easy for me to see blindness in others, but harder to see it in myself, harder to let God’s light reach my own dark parts. But that’s always where God has me start.

“If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make m a liar, an&d his word is not in us.” (1John 1:8-10 ESV)

“Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” (Matthew 7:4-5 ESV)

I think I’m a pretty good listener . . . until I’m not.

I’ll tell you when it’s hard for me. It’s hard when I feel judged. It’s hard when I feel threatened or when someone challenges something I hold tightly. It’s hard to listen when I can’t solve something or make it better. It’s hard when the conversation makes my uncomfortable or shakes my sense of rightness. It’s hard when I realize the world can look so different from another point of view. I feel in over my head.

(By the way, that’s likely why conversations about race make people of my color so uncomfortable. There’s even a term for this kind of emotional breakdown reaction we experience until we develop a healthy resilience.)

So, my believing friends, what kind of listeners would Jesus have us be?

James writes to the church, “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” (James 1:19-20, ESV)

To clarify, I’m not talking about compromising our convictions or playing loose with truth. I’m talking about hearing and listening to other human beings, and thus honoring the image of God in them. Remember, each person we encounter is someone “for whom Christ died” (See 1 Corinthians 8:11. I suppose to be precise, theologically, Christ died for those who would believe in Him, so this refers to believers, but everyone is a potential believer). 

I see so much more enmity than empathy in the church these days. I see such a quickness to speak, but not a quickness to listen and learn (including in myself). Empathy (which in Greek translates “in + feeling”), means “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another” (thanks Google). Antonyms include: coldness, detachment, violence, indifference, antagonism, unfeelingness, passiveness, revulsion, and spite (Thesaurus.com). 

I can almost hear Satan’s cackle of delight as he divides wedges between believers who love Jesus, but are incredibly diverse. The Deceiver, the master of “fake news,” peddles the lie that we must be either-or and nowhere in the middle. His marketing campaign is booming and he deals in tents for opposing camps. He scoffs at nuance and gentleness.

“Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand” (Philippians 4:5 ESV). 

Our example is Jesus. He took all the anger, accusations, and hate without protest (Is 53:7, 1 Pet 2:22-23). And he did so without sin.

As Christ was secure in his position in the Father and had no need to prove himself, we can live out of that same security. We already know that Jesus died to forgive us. What accusation could anyone bring against us after that?

Living out of our security in Christ frees us to listen and learn instead of being on the defensive. Only then can we can live in the truth, even when it’s a painful truth we’d rather not see.

As we practice empathy, we get a glimpse of the patience and graciousness of our God with us, the God who “emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men” (Phil 2:7). For love of us, He laid aside his position of privilege and power, and that has implications for us:

“By this we know what love is: Jesus laid down His life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers” (1 John 3:17).

Because of this, we are free to listen and grow. We have everything to gain by listening, including the hearts of those we hear.

This is where God is growing me, teaching me patiently to push past my own initial reactions and need to prove myself.  

Just listen, Mary. Learn. 

“Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.'” 1 Peter 5:5

“Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Ephesians 5:21

Like any area of discipleship, growing takes practice. We can build conversational resilience by listening to or following someone who will challenge our point of view. Listen to a believer that looks different than you and thinks differently than you. Read some history of this country from a point of view not commonly represented (I’m just finishing this book and this book). Practice empathetic listening without attempting to solve or fix or advise. 

In this season in my country when racial tension is painful, let’s give our brothers and sisters of color hope by our patient listening and willingness to talk and learn from them. Let’s floor the outside world with our sincere love, and unwillingness to be angry and defensive. 

Today’s printable Bible verse coloring page is from James 1:19. You can download your page by clicking on one of the options below!*

ENGLISH
SPANISH
BLANK (for use with other languages)

1. When do you find it hardest to listen?
2. How might you practice growing as a listener?
3. How does listening reflect the character of our God?
4. Do you think believers in our society known for their listening skills?